A Mile in Your Shoes
by jademonkey.com
Summary: King Yemma's tired of Chichi screwing up her marriage and so decides to take matters into his own hands by... wait! I'm not gonna tell you. You have to read it. You can probably guess from the title anyway. sigh AU
1. Chapter 1

A Mile in Your Shoes

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my charas I make up and this plot.

Chapter 1 – What the HFIL Is Going On Here! 

"Hey, Big V."

"Hey, Hot Red."

"Is the dealership open for test drive?"

"I don't know. Do you have the proper identification?"

"I need to check my purse to find out."

"No need. I'm sucker for the pretty ones."

"You need to catch me first." She mock-ran around the room until he enveloped her in an instant in his muscular well-toned arms. His breath was warm as he whispered right by her ear.

"That was too easy, H.R. Where's the chase?"

"Aw, no fair. I didn't get enough."

"Too bad. Now we can go on that test drive." Bra burst through the door right as they were about to kiss.

"Mom! Dad! Can stop the sex talk for a minute? Someone needs to take me to the mall!"

"Get Trunks to take you!" Vegeta was all but livid at being interrupted during "playtime."

"Why does she have to barge in like that every time? Every time it starts getting good during the day, she waltzes in here like we're not doing it. Why if she wasn't my daughter, I'd—"

"Now just calm down, Vegeta. It's nothing to get worked up over."

"Yeah. Yeah."

"Just remember: goozfraba."

"Goozfraba…"

"Goozfraba. I'll see if I can install a special lock on the door this week."

"I love you."

"I love you too… Big V." They locked lips just as Bra burst through the door again.

"Mom! Trunks said he won't take me!"

"Then tell him he's grounded if he doesn't!

Goku crouched low beside the dresser in darkness so as not to be seen. He remained perfectly still until he saw the figure clad in pink lingerie approach and made his move. _Ah, the prey moves._

"Hi ya!"

"Ahhh!" He jumped onto his wife, knocking them both onto the bed and taking her completely by surprise. "Goku, what are you doing?"

"C'mon, Chichi. Let's do it."

"We shall do nothing of the sort."

"But, Chi—"

"No." Devastated, Goku rolled over and slumped onto the bed. Feeling guilty, she tried to touch him but he recoiled as though she were a vile thing. _Oh, Goku. If only I could… but it's not that simple anymore._

Goku pondered this as well. _Why won't she let me love her? I've tried everything and nothing's worked. I'm at the end of my rope. I feel like giving up. _

He glanced down at his wife, still beautiful to him after all these years. _No, I can't give up. I must try one more time. One more time_…

His last thoughts as he drifted off to sleep.

Far, far away someone chuckled throatily and smirked to the inky darkness. "Time to have a little fun."

Chichi stirred sleepily, feeling the sunlight on her face and all too unwilling to leave the warm bed. She turned over and rolled off the bed, groaning with the effort as she attempted to stand. She walked toward what she thought was the bedroom door and went crashing into a wall._ Hmm. That's funny. I could have sworn the door was right there. I'm probably just working too hard._

She walked out and walked down some stairs hoping to be in the kitchen but was instead in some other strange room. She walked back and tried the other stairs. That didn't lead to the kitchen either. Now that's just plain odd. I never knew our house was so big.

After about five more tries she finally reached the kitchen. Grabbing a pot she turned on the stove and grabbed all the necessary ingredients began making breakfast. The mouth-watering aromas soon drew the attention of the rest of the family.

Before long, she saw the kids sitting at the table. I _wonder why Gohan and Goten were so late for breakfast. Usually they're waking me up to cook. Gohan's probably exhausted from midterms and Goten probably trained just a little too long yesterday. _

Then she noticed that Gohan's hair was purple and Goten looked surprisingly like a girl_. Now that's strange too. When did Gohan dye his hair? And did Goku let him do that? I told him not to allow that sort of thing with him._

"Gohan. Who gave you permission to dye your hair? I told your father not to let you do anything crazy like this."

"Uh, Mom, what are you talking about?" Until then, Trunks had been surprised at his mother actually cooking and doing well at it that he didn't want to spoil a good thing and say something about it.

"Just what I said. And furthermore—" She was silenced when 'Goku' walked up and kissed her.

"Honey," he said, "when did you start cooking again?" _What on Earth is Goku talking about?_

"What do you mean? I always cook breakfast, Goku." Vegeta stopped.

"What did you just call me?"

"Goku. That's your name."

"The hell it is. Why are you calling me Goku? Has something happened that I should know about?."

"Yeah, we're married."

"What do you mean 'we're married'? Of course _we're_ married but what in Kami's name does that have to do with Goku?"

"You're a funny one to talk, Goku."

"Stop calling me that!"

"Then what would you like me to call you? And when did you get short? And why do you look like… Oh my…"

The realization hit her and she screamed.

---------------

Bulma was sitting on the edge of the bed by the time her husband stirred. She watched as he shifted under the covers. She stealthily approached the hulking hottie with a grin as he rolled out of bed and…

"Ah!" She jumped on top of him.

"I've got you now, V. So what are you gonna do about it?" She covered his eyes.

"V? Who's V?"

"Oh, c'mon, Vegeta, you can only pull that trick once."

"Vegeta? What would Vegeta be doing in our bedroom?" She started pulling off the covers.

"V. I told you. You can only pull that one—Ahhhhhhhhhh!" She unveiled her husband to be… not Vegeta.

"Goku, what the hell are you doing in my bed?"

"Chi, we're still married. Where else do you want me to sleep?" _Chi! We! Married! Oh my gosh…_

It dawned on her then but she had to see if she was right_. Oh, Kami, please let this be the one time I'm wrong_.

She ran toward the bathroom, looked in the mirror and screamed bloody murder.

"Chichi, just calm down and we'll—" Bulma backed away slowly from the mirror, taking very small steps, her eyes as wide as saucers.

"Chichi!" _Oh, Kami…_

"Honey, we've been over this before. That's your name."

"No. No! "

_Oh, Kami, it can't be. There's just no way I became Chichi and… wait! If I'm in her body, then who's in my… that's it._

"That's it!"

"What's it?"

"She has to be!"

"Who has to be?"

"That's not important! Get your clothes on, _honey_. We're going out to eat today." Bulma gestured wildly and started rummaging through the closet for something to wear. Goku stood there for a moment until snapping to attention and grabbing his gi, greatly puzzled but accepting. _Oh, man. Does Chichi have anything flattering to wear?_

"Okay, but what about the kids?

"The what?"

"The—"

"Kids! Right. Yeah. Let's bring them too."

"…okay."

"Kids!" Two crashes and stomping issued forth before the door burst open and in came the kids. Goten was the first to respond.

"Hey, Mommy, where's breakfast?"

"Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. We're going out to eat today."

"Cool. Where we going? Where we going?"

"We're going to Bulma's house."

"Yay! I like going to Bulma's house. I get to play with Trunks."

"We are?" said Goku.

"Yes. We are."

"Oh. Oh!" _Goku really needs to sharpen up a bit more. And here I thought he was a morning person. _

"Right. Now, get your clothes on and let's go." _Wait! I better call the house first. Who knows what kind of chaos could be occurring at home? _

"Honey, where's the phone?"

"Downstairs."_ Great. Now I can talk in private with V. _

Grabbing a dress that looked decent enough, she yanked it over her head while running down the stairs and combed her hair—a talent perfected by years of escaping when cops decided to crash some good parties.

Goku watched as his wife or at least the woman he thought was his wife run out the room leaving him half-dressed to explain to the boys. _Better get to it then…_

"Boys," he began, "your mother's not quite herself today. So get dressed and just try to be patient with her today and hopefully we can all laugh about this later. "

Goten once again spoke first. "Will Mommy be okay later or tomorrow?"

"I really hope so, Goten. I really, really hope so."

Downstairs, Bulma tried desperately to call home but to no avail.

Dammit all to hell! I can't reach anybody! I've tried Bra's cell, Trunks' cell, Vegeta's cell, Mom and Dad's cell, my cell, home phone… and I get no one. Why is everyone still in bed? It's almost 10 o'clock for Pete's sakes! What the hell are they doing sleeping in like this?

**AN**: Bulma and Vegeta had a few drinks last night so Chichi in Bulma's body that partied is not that perceptive in the morning thus the slow realization.

A lot people have asked me where the humor is in this and I'm getting there so hang it there. Next chapter we get to hear from the grand conductor of this charade: King Yemma! So hang tight and keep your fingers crossed I'm a little busy in summer school next week so I'm trying to get this next chapter out tomorrow.

I've been meaning to explain the ages. I'm making Trunks and Gohan about the same age (16/17-ish), Bra is about 14, and Goten is 7-ish. So Bra is herself. Trunks and Gohan hang out and attend the same school. And Trunks is more of the older brother-type to Goten but is more patient with him than Gohan.


	2. Chapter 2

A Mile in Your Shoes

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my charas I make up and this plot.

Chapter 2 – A Plan Is Set Into Motion 

"Oh, Kami! Where the hell am I?"

"You're at home, Bulma."

"Bulma!" _Why is he calling me Bulma?_

"Yes, woman. Now the finish that wonderfully-smelling breakfast before we all starve looking at it."

"Right. Breakfast." _Yes. That's the focus. I must finish breakfast so I can start cleaning the house… wait. Did Goku just call me woman?…. Nah. He knows he'd be in trouble if he did._

Chichi turned back to the pot more confused than anything but still too hung over to really think about it She just finished when all of a sudden a loud crash came from the foyer and 'Chichi' with Goku in tow stumbled into the kitchen. Goku tried to explain it first.

"Sorry to interrupt you guys during breakfast but—hey, that smells great! Can I have some of that when you're done? Chichi made us come here without breakfast and—"

Hey wait, if Goku's over there who just talked… to me… 

"That's," 'Chichi' interjected, "not why we're here. 'Bulma,' I need to talk to you. Now."

Why is Chichi calling me Bulma? 

'Chichi' walked over to 'Bulma' and setting the pot on the stove, grabbed her and dragged her into the next room. _If that's Chichi, then who am I really?_

'Bulma' stood there in a daze while 'Chichi' tried to explain her theory.

"Okay, Chichi, it's obvious that you and I switched bodies and woke up as each other. Now I know that there is a logical explanation for this… somewhere. We will get to the bottom of it. Now I'm not sure how long we'll be like this so we're going to have to work out a plan. Now—"

"You mean we're gonna—"

"Attempt being each other. Yes, I know it seems a little daunting. But we have to do this. I have an extremely important meeting and luncheon to go to tomorrow. Which means I'll have to coach you on being me and you'll have to tell me what you do besides yell and cook and—"

"So we're really gonna do this?"

"Well yeah. Life is not gonna stop just because you switch bodies with someone. We're just gonna have to act like ourselves. Or rather… each other… or whatever. But we have to pull this off. I can't miss that meeting tomorrow. It's a matter of the entire future of this company, of everything I've worked for. I'm not losing that deal."

"… but what about the kids? And our husbands? Won't they suspect this is all a masquerade? And what if someone else finds out or tells or—"

"We'll just have to make sure none of that happens and get good at being each other. It's all a matter of practice. My schedule's officially and so is yours. So we'll start at the mall."

"The mall!"

"Yes. It's perfect. We can give the boys enough money to go raid the food court and we get to go shop and teach each other about us. We'll have to let Bra in on this so she can help you. She knows almost as much about fashion, makeup and girl stuff as I do. And she can help cover for you."

"Well I guess you've got this whole thing figured out."

"To the mall!"

"To the… mall…"

'Chichi' threw open the doors to the kitchen and announced, "Hey, guys. Today, we have decided to go to the mall!"

Five groans and one cheer greeted the announcement and, with the day set, the plan was in motion.

Far away, King Yemma chuckled at the humorous scene, already picturing the mayhem that was sure to ensue. _Ha, ha! I can hardly wait to see this! I should get some snacks. This is going to take a while._

He shouted at a random blue lackey. "Hey, lackey! Get me some snacks. I'm starving."

"Right away, King Yemma."

"And make it snappy."

"Yes, sir."

_Oh, yes this was going to be very interesting indeed. _

"Bwuahahahah!"

"Um, sir?" He looked to see the oni standing there looked quite puzzled with a margarita and a bag of Fig Newtons.

"Oh, right. Gimme those. " King Yemma grabs them up. "You're dismissed, lackey."

"Very well, sir." The lackey faded into the background.

"Oh, I love Fig Newtons."

And shoves them into his mouth. "Now if I can just pull some strings and stop Chichi from screwing up, then perhaps I can – Oh my God! It's like an orgy in my mouth."


	3. Chapter 3

A Mile in Your Shoes

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my charas I make up and this plot.

Chapter 3 – The Mall 

With much struggling they managed to get everyone dressed, in the car, and off to the mall, though Goku tried to escape twice and Vegeta tried to see if he could ditch it by flying. Bulma told 'Bulma' to threaten Vegeta with sleeping on the couch while Chichi told 'Chichi' to go get the frying pan for Goku. That worked and so, two disgruntled Saiyans joined the party in the minivan.

As soon they were handed money, the boys all made a beeline for the food court and 'Chichi' made a beeline for a shoe sale.

"Oooh, look at that one and that one! Oh, I could just buy them all!"

"I know what you mean," Bra gushed along with her. "Let's go!"

"Wait! Bra, we came to talk about something important."

"More important than shopping?"

"Yes, far more important. But let's go the café where we may speak in private. This is far too public for this matter." _Wait, now why is Chichi interested in shopping? And why is she talking like Mom?_

They went straightaway to Starbucks, ordered and sat down.

"Bra," Bulma began, "I don't know how or why but Chichi and I have switched bodies. We can't tell anyone and we're certainly not telling the guys."

"Mom, were you messing with that science-stuff again? Or is this a joke?"

"You're not freaked out?"

"Not that much. It'll take some adjustments but we can handle this."

"Exactly what I wanted to hear. Now, we have to—"

"Wait. Why are you telling me all this?"

"Because Chichi needs your help for tomorrow, for help in covering this up since I don't know how long I'll be stuck like this, and just in general girly stuff. Besides she needs a makeover anyway."

"Makeover!"

"And we're just the people to do it."

"I do not need a makeover!"

"Now, we'll need to work on your wardrobe first. If you have a good wardrobe at least then the makeup can come later." They started walking.

"Hey, Mom?" Bra said.

"Bra, you've got to start calling me Chichi while I'm in Chichi's body."

"Oh. Right, Mom. Oops. I mean, Chichi."

"Good. Now just remember to do that all the time and you've got it. Also—"

"Wait a second!" Chichi halted. "Don't I have a say in this?"

"No!"

"But—"

"No buts. I've been wanting to do this forever and I finally have a shot." Bulma rubbed her hands greedily.

"But—"

"Hush, my child." Bulma grabbed her hand. "I shall make you worthy of a king's attention. We'll do all the work and all you have to do is sit back and enjoy it."

"Yeah," Bra chimed in.

"We'll have you looking like… like…"

"Paris Hilton!"

"Yeah! Hey, wait…" Bra chuckled.

"Paris Hilton!"

"Oh, don't listen to her. You'll be fine. Mwuahahahahahahaha!" Bulma cackled.

Bra tapped her on the shoulder. "Uh, Mom. You're scaring her."

"That's the poi—I mean, sorry. And don't forget to call me Chichi. Now, let's go. To Rich's!" Bulma started walking.

"Uh, Mom—Chichi—whatever. She's running now!"

"Quickly! Get the net!"

"Right!"

"And… go!" Within minutes, Bra and 'Chichi' had 'Bulma' all tied up and was now dragging her, kicking and screaming (literally) into Rich's.

Goku was chomping down on a cheeseburger when a strange thought occurred to him.

I wonder what's up with the girls. They were acting so weird this morning. It was almost like Chichi was Bulma and Bulma was Chichi. Ha ha! That's stupid… but… that would explain a lot of things. Like how Bulma was cooking and Chichi was so absent-minded and… but that's just silly. People can't just switch bodies… or can they? Hmm…

"Dad? You okay?" Goten looked at his father paused in mid-chew and staring off into space.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Goku started eating again._ Dad's so weird sometimes._ Goten continued eating while Vegeta also stopped to ponder.

I wonder why Bulma was acting so strange today. Cooking and calling me by Kakkarot's name… I told her before that we talk about role-playing before we do it. No surprises. That gets messy.

He resumed wolfing down his tenth cheeseburger until another thought occurred. _Hey, what if Kakkarot's little bitch and mine swapped places? That would be something to see. Bulma trying to be that frigid, uptight harpy and Chichi trying to keep up with—actually that would be kinda scary. Moving on to less disturbing thoughts…_

Gohan too was thinking. _Mom sure acted weird today. I mean really, kinda like Bulma. Hmm…_ He took another bite of his chicken sandwich. _Anyway, I've got to find a way to ditch these guys. I told them I'd meet them at 2 and it's already ten after. I know. I'll just make some lame excuse that I have to hit the john and I'm home free. After I finish these three sandwiches. _

He gobbled down the sandwiches and got up to go. "I gotta go see a man about a horse so I'll just go—"

"Ooh! Ooh! I gotta pee too!" Goten jumped out of his seat. _Damn. He'll ruin everything. _

"Dad, do I have to take him?" Goku looked up from his burgers, mouth full.

"Yeth, choo hapth thoo."

"But, Dad, I—"

"Ghohath."

"Fine. C'mon, squirt." And he stomped off in the direction of the lavatory.

"Jeeth." Goku swallowed his burger. "What's gotten into him?"


End file.
